The Question of Submission

Late last night lying side by side in a tangle of sheets, I posed this question to my husband, "If you had to choose, just one which would it be? To have me completely surrender all of my mind, my heart and my spirit to you and your will, or to have me completely surrender all of my body to you. Either, or, which would it be?"
"Why?" He smiled and laughed a little at the question.
"I'll tell you after you answer, and then tell me why you chose the one you did."

His answer suprised me. Well, to be honest, it did and it didn't.
I find myself thinking about this sort of thing off an on, and I'm not sure if our difference in oppinion stems from our being almost always diametrically opposed or from the fact that he is a man and I'm a woman. (You have to admit that there is a difference, at times, in the way men and women think and reason, not being biased or predjudiced just being naturally who we are respectively.)
From my point of view, it is of no consequence to surrender my body. I have no fear of being mugged or raped or even beaten. You see all of that has been done to me, and what I learned, is that those things don't touch who I am, the essence of me, if you will. My body, is NOT me. It's simply my suitcase. This is one reason that I have little respect for those who base their oppinions and judgements of people upon their outward appearance. But, that is another rant... Anyway, as I told my husband, there have been times when we have had sex and I wasn't even there. My body was, but I wasn't. Make sense?
It is so much harder to surrender my SELF. That, to me, becomes the prized and precious thing. For a person to give up some want or plan or vision for the sake of another human being. For the benefit and love of that person, what on earth could be more valuable.
For my husband, however, as much as we argue as much as we approach life completely from opposite ends of the spectrum, he wouldn't have that any other way. He says to me, "I love that you have your own mind, a strong mind and a sense of will and purpose. Why would I want a puppet to mimic what I say or think or feel?" My response is, "Why would you want my body if I'm not there." So, we go. Round and round. Facing eachother in the dark, holding hands, and slowly both of us drifting off to sleep.

So, tell me, which would you choose?
Why?



"A woman moved is like a fountain troubled,
Muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty;
And while it is so, none so dry or thirsty
Will deign to sip or touch one drop of it.

Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper,
Thy head, thy sovereign; one that cares for thee,
And for thy maintenance commits his body
To painful labour both by sea and land,
To watch the night in storms, the day in cold,
Whilst thou liest warm at home, secure and safe;
And craves no other tribute at thy hands
But love, fair looks and true obedience;

Too little payment for so great a debt.
Such duty as the subject owes the prince
Even such a woman oweth to her husband;
And when she is froward, peevish, sullen, sour,
And not obedient to his honest will,
What is she but a foul contending rebel
And graceless traitor to her loving lord?

I am ashamed that women are so simple
To offer war where they should kneel for peace;
Or seek for rule, supremacy and sway,
When they are bound to serve, love and obey.

Why are our bodies soft and weak and smooth,
Unapt to toil and trouble in the world,
But that our soft conditions and our hearts
Should well agree with our external parts?

Come, come, you froward and unable worms!
My mind hath been as big as one of yours,
My heart as great, my reason haply more,
To bandy word for word and frown for frown;
But now I see our lances are but straws,
Our strength as weak, our weakness past compare,
That seeming to be most which we indeed least are.

Then vail your stomachs, for it is no boot,
And place your hands below your husband's foot:
In token of which duty, if he please,

My hand is ready; may it do him ease."




Shakespeare, "Taming of the Shrew". Act V, scene II