The Power of Play

When I was about nine years old my life changed dramaticaly. I was in about third grade and the world changed. I no longer had an ability or a desire to play.

Imagine.

A part of me died that year, sort of like losing a leg. Trying to deal with the fact that you may never be able to run, or dance or spin or do cartwheels again. Somewhere in your life you grieve for that leg and that life, that two-legged life you'll never live.

I have grieved in many ways over the course of my life, now I find there are only moments of grief that touch me. Butterflies that land long enough to be seen but not truely felt for what they are. Now, I find, I am busy with living. I have bought myself a prostetic leg and I am teaching myself once again how to run and dance and spin and yes, even do cartwheels.

I had the opportunity this week to be an assistant activities director at our local church camp. For five days I was playmate to forty-two teenagers. I ate with them, played with them, colored with them, acted in skits with them and caught them when they fell into my arms.
Several times last week I found myself crying for the childhood that I lost, but only for a moment or two. Then I would bound off to play tether ball or hide and seek or find some girls to giggle with. This in itself is profound.
I wish that each of you who know me or read this tiny glimpse into my life could have a true grasp of how much I have healed. I wish I could lift my shirt and show you my scars and how well they look. How once they were jagged, swollen, red and oozing pieces of flesh. Eaten away by infection and disease. I wish I could show you now how faint they are in my skin. Small white lines where no hair will grow and no pigment will tan. Now, they really only hurt when I look at them for a long time. When I touch them with my probing fingers. Even then it's not so much that they hurt, as I am remembering the hurt that was once there.

I had fun this week. I am a thirty-seven year old survior. I am scarred. I am in someways disabled. I have also found, in very real terms, happiness and peace and joy in my life, in just living life.

I had fun this week.

I had fun.