Jolyon...

It's been almost four years now, four years in January.

Not many of you know, I'm a recovering addict. Four years ago my family and my marriage was almost destroyed because of my addiction. Everything I had known, my foundation so to speak, suffered a quake that measured beyond the ricktor scale. Dust and ash covered the ruble of things shattered and burned. Because of me and my sickness and the choices I made in that sickness...

Three months after "the quake" I found myself in recovery, and my family, my strong, unifed, gracious, forgiving family began with me to rebuild our lives. It was during this time that I met the most incredible person I have ever met. His name is Jolyon and I am blessed beyond measure to call him my friend.

Jolyon is the type of person that when you are with him you know he is WITH you. He's not thinking of something else he has to do or worrying about work or thinking about calls he has to make or bills he has to pay. In all the years we have been friends Jolyon has never made a joke at my expense, and in our conversations and arguments together I have never been made to feel small or ignorant or ridiculous. When I'm with him, I'm the only other person in the room.

Jolyon is a very distinguished mid-fourty. He's a handsom man with incredible eyes and a great smile. Jolyon's real beauty and attractiveness come however, not from the outside, but the inside. Be it some what cliche, it is his quiet confidence and his sensitivity that is so attractive to me. He loves art and music and nature. And I guess, mostly, the thing that I love, is that Jolyon loves me. He calls and emails regularly. He has taken me camping and to the opera. I was with Jolyon the night I smoked my first cigar. It was June after the symphony and the weather was perfect, and downtown was electric and we sat by the fountain outside Symphony Hall and Jolyon shared with me. He shared himself, his thoughts and dreams and plans and desires. I love that in a man. A man who can use his vocabulary, to me, is worth his weight in gold. He is comfortable with himself and he is comfortable with me, no pretense no akwardness. He dances with me and hikes with me and crys with me (literally).

Another thing about Jolyon is that at any given moment I can be loving him and "in love with him" at the same time. But I trust him. I love when he thinks I've said something smart or funny and he gives me that look. The look of "man you're good, I want you." and the smile when he thinks I'm not looking and he's thinking, "I wonder what she's wearing under that?" I love that he thinks of me as a whole woman and not just Morgan's wife or the kids' mother, but that he is so sensitive to my past and my hangups as to never compromise me in anyway. I love it when he calls me "Woman" and tells me what to do when I'm acting spoiled and out of line. Like a big brother or a protector. That has been hard for me to accept at times, but I LOVE it. Being an independant woman I get tired sometimes of doing it all and being there for everybody else. I love that Jolyon is there for me, and HE takes the lead, without being domaneering or condecending.

I love that he trusts me, and I'm not always having to explain myself all the time. Because he is confident he's not always looking to take things the wrong way. He doesn't punish me if I make a mistake, which by the way, I do.

I guess, what I'm trying to say is that in my friendship/partnership with Jolyon, he's the one person in my life besides Morgan that I feel wants me, desires me, misses me when I'm not there. I feel valued and unique and loved for all my good and bad parts together.

I wish there were more Jolyons in my life.