The Muse is dead

Love most often times in our lives chooses to rear it's ugly head at the most inopportune times. Like the early light of dawn it always comes two hours too early and then has the nerve to glare at you full force untill you get up to notice that you're late. Of course reality is a brutal alarm clock that never seems to do the job, I'm always hitting the snooze button against my better judgement, but then, there it is.


"It has been two days since I confided in you my desire. As I am sure we will never speak of it again I am writing this with no thought of its being sent. I wish that I had the courage to send it and ask forgiveness later, but I cannot. I feel pretty confident at this point from things you've said, that I have become an unwelcome entanglement. Therefore, this letter is mine, these words are for me, because I have no hope now.
I am certain that you have been confused by my attentions and feel that I am using you for some malvolent purpose of my own. I understand what you have said and only know that I am, pulled, to you. I cannot explain it any clearer, even as I have thought about it a great deal. I simply desire you. My wanting seems at present to be overriding the rationale of choosing to just not think of you any longer. I could, I know, choose to not think of you...but it is not what I want. I want you. I want to go on wanting you for a long time. I know that to say something so unrealistic is rediculous and I can only speak for the depth of my feeling in my urge to go on. Speaking and thinking this way will most assuredly bring me a broken heart in the end. Smashed to pieces in rejection, but, there it is.
I believe it is possible to love deeply many people over the course of our lives. I am loving you, right now; I am wanting you, desiring you, the feel of your hands in my hair and on my skin, your lips on mine, your heart open to me.
Please forgive me. I'm sure you must think me a horrible woman and I am sorry to have put you in an awkward position.
I don't know any more what I am doing...


Passionately Yours."







"Your determined silence is heartbreaking and I find I am grieving in my soul even though my face is smiling.
I am sure I have made an error; on the other hand, I want in my relationships people who have the strength to take me as I am.
Have you lost your courage?"






"I had not expected to see you today; I was, to say the least, agitated. I assumed that you would be awkward and uncomfortable, but you were not. You were, actually, very reminiscent of the man that you were that first night. I love the way you look at me, at times.
You were happy today I think and I wanted very much to be the reason for it. Truthfully I know that I am not and I have continually to remind myself that none of it is for me. None of it is personal. I have invited you to ___________ but I am almost certain you will not be comming. You agreed readily and that made me happy, however, I think you are just being polite and will most likely decline at the last minute.
This course of action you have chosen confuses me. I wish we could just talk to eachother. I wish you would just tell me what you are thinking. The problem really, is that you are not thinking of me, at all.


I dreamt of you last night. I hope this passes quickly, and I hope I won't be hurt in the unfolding.


I miss you."





The Muse is dead. All Hail the Muse.