I'm sitting in the tub. Surrounded by bubbles and warm soapy water. My favorite scent of jazmine and vannila lightly clinging to the air. I love being in the water, I've always loved it, since I was a little girl. The relaxing sensual feel of floating. The complete emersion in warmth. I close my eyes and just...
breathe.
I am delighting in the quiet space of my bathroom letting the water drain as I sit. The sensation is unusual and I give myself up to the feeling. My body temperature is cooling down as the air begins to circulate around my skin and I'm begining to get a chill. I can feel the water moving down slowly below my arms, my knees. I can feel the pull of the water suctioning down the drain. A little colder now, and droplets are falling from my hair onto the middle of my back and my face. The water drains past my hips and I am starting to feel the buoyancy of it dissapear. There are only little bubbles that remain, on my skin and the sides of the tub. I am left now alone, standing in the little puddles around my feet, dripping and shivering in the cold. As I step out onto the mat and reach for the comfort of the dry towel I stop. "This is it." I say to myself, "This is how it feels when someone you love leaves you."
We are standing in my driveway, laughing about a million unconnected things. Nervous laughter, so that we can avoid the next moments for as long as possible. You pull me close and just hold me, for a long time. I relax in the warmth of your arms and the smell of your cologne. I close my eyes and for a while I just...
breathe.
There is only me and you standing facing eachother and as you brush the hair from my face and gently touch my cheek, I know. This is it, the plug has been pulled. The warmth that your presence brings to my life, my heart, my soul is leaving me now. I can see in your eyes the strength that I have come to depend on telling me tenderly that it is time to let go. And I start to feel a chill as the wind blows around my body. I can feel you leaving me before you are gone, the pull of the clock that keeps you always on schedule. Pulling you toward your destination and ripping you from me. You take a step back and I feel a little colder now, without your arms wrapping me snuggly like a coat. My lower lip starts to quiver and I am overcome with the thought of loss. I try to smile unsuccessfuly and the tears come without warning. I can feel them now, on my face and my hands. They fall to the ground and one hits the tip of your shoe. I am starting to feel the energy and buoyancy of your spirit leave. You are trying not to cry yourself so you say something ridiculous and I just look at you.Gazing at your face, I want to imprint every detail on my brain. I never want to forget the color of your eyes and the turn of your nose. The tiny scar on your forhead, the mulitcolor strands of hair on your face. I reach up my hand to wipe the tears from your moustache and you grab my hand and kiss my palm. I smile and as if that was your cue, you get in the car and wave and in an instant you are gone. Only memories remain, clinging to the inside of myself like the bubbles in the tub. I am left now alone, standing in the little puddles of tears around my feet, shivering in the cold.
I walk back inside my home, searching for the warmth and comfort of my bed. "This is it." I say to myself, "God I hate good-byes."
