Blink

When you're walking along deep in thought or transfixed by the current intrest to catch your attention, when you're wandering happy and absorbed; those are delightful moments,

are they not?

Completely occupied and completely unaware at the same time. There's a smile creeping across your face while your feet are moving briskly, how well in that instant you are multi-tasking.

Slowly then, like the sun sinking below the horizon is that thought rising in the back of your mind, hiding in the corner wanting to break out but unsure of itself and timid. It sits there quiet for a while rolling around in the grassy playground of subconcious thought. When it seems at just the right time with devilish intensity she is screaming at you,

and you blink.

The smile drips warmly down your chin and your mind reaches for something familiar, like a tether, as you hang precariously over the edge of a cliff. Nothing is certain. There is no comprehension of anything you remember.

Grasping, panicking.

Breaking to the surface of water after almost drowning and gulping that first breath of air is your mind grasping hold of the thought that has made herself now known.

You are lost.

Turning in circles, seeing and not seeing. How you long for those brief moments before that stark realization when all was glittering and sweet. Now in the darkness of doubt and fear moments of perfect contentment seem tarnished and worn to an unattractive usefullness. Regret fills the nostrils, waters your eyes and burns.

And burns.

There was a time when familiararity held you close and whispered gentle softness in your ears. Now, all is searching, striving, questioning. There is nothing now that will ever be the same, if only because you've heard awareness screaming at you.

That time when you were lost.






For Chris

This skin I'm in

Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart
~ Kahlil Gibran~





This Birthday suit of mine
never seems to fit quite right

I'm always tugging here
and smoothing there

Once when I was very sure of myself
it was as if I had grown
and my arms and legs were much too short

Once when I was selfish
it was I that had shrunk
and all was loosed and hanging
so improperly

I am at once either too fat
too thin
too broad in the shoulders
too narrow in the hips

What I wouldn't give for a decent tailor
and quality fabric
as if I could make a return
and get a refund

for this skin I'm in.







You know I can't remember the last time you told me I was beautiful, in an honest way, spontaneusly pouring out some compliment about my hips or my legs or the outfit I happened to be wearing. I understand not all of us are made to be attractive, but love can increase the virtue of that which is desired. I have found this so myself many times.

Have I no merit?

Sometimes I feel like you are disapointed in me...

I love you most of all.

I love you more than anything.

I want you to be happy and feel desired and important and successful.

I want you to know how much I respect you. Honestly, I do.

I love you most of all.

I love you more than anything.