For Such a Time as This

Lately I have been asked by different people what the happiest time in my life has been. I've been thinking about this a lot and to be honest, I can't remember a time when I've been happier than I am right now.

Recovery from my addiction has ment the world to me. I think the stability that an honest life has brought to my soul has made all the difference. I have learned the subtle art of re-parenting and loving myself. So, there is a growing sense of value and worth and satisfaction comming from within I have never experienced before. I feel at once beautiful and complete. I feel intelligent and competent. I feel equal to anyone and any situation.

When I was a child I often felt unworthy of everything. I was never good enough and I never was able to view myself as anything other than taking up space. I rarely made eye contact with people, I was hopelessly co-dependant upon unhealthy relationships. I seemed always to be seeking validation from outside sources that were incapable of delivering what I thought I needed to be whole.

This moment and for some moments past I am living. I am strong and thriving in my environment. I had a terrible blow to my ego this week, and though I feel emotional, I am so happy. Happy for the experience and what it has taught me about myself and the world in which I live. How marvelous. How blissfull. How exquisit and tortureous this life can be, and yet, I find my whole life has been a road pointing me to such a time as this...

Joy.