Have I mentioned how much I Love my Life?

Okay, Okay. I know you guys are going to get bored soon, but really, it's true I LOVE my life right now.

Today in particular.

The last two days have been a real battle for me. I've been stuck in the middle of other people's dissagreements and have felt like a victim once again. I've had to question my judgement and decisions I've made recently. You all know, same life, different day.
So, I was thinking yesterday, mulling over all my fears and woes analysing and disecting every detail at nauseum and I came to some conclusions. Stick with me here, because this is gigantic healing for me.

Most of you who read this blog on a regular basis know that I'm a recovering addict. Sober now for four years and seven months. WOOT! Go Me! There were so many times durring my first years in recovery when I seriously questioned my ability to live a sober life. Since I started in addiction when I was only about twelve or so I ended up with little to no coping skills. When a stressful situation would come up or a problem that I wasn't sure how to fix, I would "check out" as I like to say. Go into addictive behavior to ignore and hide from the problem. In recovery I was forced to deal with my life without the aid of "help" so the smallest thing would literally disable me. I couldn't make a decision to save my life. I was moody, sometimes irrational, completely angry, confused, I was to some extent a child. Progress in my program has taught me, along with a GREAT therapist, how to manage my life and my emotions on a much healthier scale. I am now a fully functional adult!

Getting back to yesterday. I was taking my usual daily walk (sometimes run) around the park close to my home. I was of course analysing my current snafoo and wondering what I could have done differently. Tears came and went, sadness, anger. Then I looked around me and I realized how quiet the neighborhood was. The sky was so very blue and because we are in the monsoon season now big billious clouds hung in the air far to the east giving a brief respite to the heat. The trees were so green from the rain we've had all week, the air smelled sweet, like fresh cut grass. Birds were singing... well, you know.
I love my life.
After my relaxing walk I went straight to the backyard and jummped into my fabulous pool, clothes and shoes and all. There is something about water that comforts me when I'm emotional, especially sad. The way that it holds me, without restricting. The way it feels nurturing like how it must feel to be in the womb.
I love it, I love my life.
So, this is the big deal I'm getting to. Even though things have been in the crapper for the last two days, I'm functioning. I'm beyond functioning, I'm in love. Love with myself, my husband, my family, my environment, my God. Everything. Happiness really is a state of mind. I'm deciding to have a good attitude. Does this mean I won't ever be sad? No. Angry? No. It just means I have taken another giant step toward maturity and healing. Wow. Thanks God.

I love my life.